February 13

212.4 lbs tonight.
I have no idea how that happened, I guess in the beginning the weight just comes off, right?
holy canoli.
I had 200 food calories today and a couple of coffee's and one diet coke.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know I don't know.
But the results are here and now I wont want to stop.
Plan for tomorrow, library for homework than dinner with the family.
I wont eat up until the dinner when I'll have a salad.

I don't really know what to say.
I want to bask in the moment but I wont because I'm still nowhere near 200 which is my first goal.
I'll update tomorrow I guess.
Keep me posted ladies and let me know how you're doing :)

February 12

217.2 lbs tonight.

We'll see how tomorrow goes.
I work 4-8 so I don't plan on eating anything during work, but I will eat breakfast and that will be it.
I need to get better.
I'm feeling better, knowing that the restricting is working.
I bought a reeses today and I didn't eat it so THERE fat self.
By Monday I want to be at 215 so we'll see.

And thank you for the comment and the tips.
They have been helping. I love the waiting an hour one because it really makes me stop and think if I really am hungry or if I just want to eat.

Keep me updated girls :)

February 10

217.8 today.
Tomorrow I will weigh again and I will update every fucking day so that I will be embarrassed and everyone will see when I fail.

I am down .2 pounds. I can and WILL do better.
Tomorrow is an 800 calorie day.
I'll make it work.

February 9

So, today was terrible.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
I just think it would be so much easier if I lived on my own and could only buy the things I needed and leave it at that.
I ate so much.
I weigh 218 pounds.
My weight has steadily crept up on me and I will not let myself ever reach 258 pounds ever EVER again. Tomorrow is day one like it always is.
800 calories or less.
I miss my water bottle I don't know where it went.
I need control back.
I need to stop taking so many laxatives that don't work.
I need to stop myself from eating even when I'm NOT HUNGRY.
Please, give me some tips if you have them girls...I'm slowly dying and I know I can do this if I want it enough, but I just don't know how to restart and get myself out of this binge/purge hole.

February 8

I haven't update in about 4 days, sorry.
I haven't been binging, just eating normal I guess...which has been killing me.
Again tomorrow starts the restriction.
800 calories or less every day.
I just feel so dumb restricting because I feel that if I eat something at all...I'll just bloat up like a balloon, I guess I'll have to get over that though.
I stocked up on my soyjoys so I should be okay for the duration of the week.
800 calories or less, I can do it.
Breakfast can be some milk.
Lunch nothing.
Dinner my soyjoy.

We'll see what happens tomorrow, I'll update later girls.
Keep me updated with your lives :)

February 4

Intake today: 0

I feel no need to eat. I've come so close so many times yesterday and today. Like I'll open the fridge, open up some left-overs container and move the food around, maybe smell it a few times, but then I just end up putting it back and going to drink a huge amount of water. As I write this, I am shaky and sleepy but I have a lot of homework still ahead for the night.
I've only been allowing myself coffee, I think I can make it a whole week now actually following through with my plan of under 800 calories a day, even though it's been two days and I haven't eaten anything. I know I have to eat, I just...don't want to. Everything would be so much better if I were thinner...everyone knows it too, don't deny it. Better life, more happiness, more clothes, love. I'll get there someday, I just hope that when I get there I'll have the control to stop before this disease takes over me. I know it's bad, I know it is, but right now it just seems like the only way. The only hope, and sometimes people just have to have hope and sometimes hope should be rewarded. I want to be rewarded. I want to be strong and have control. I want to have happiness and love. I want to only eat 800 calories a day. I want to sleep.

I think this is the most profound post I've written.
This is some of the workings of my inner thoughts and I'm glad it's out now because I feel a lot better.

Plan for tomorrow?
Eat nothing...maybe a SoyJoy bar or something but other than that I don't want anything.
I hear after the third day it gets easier, but I'm scared of screwing something up and fainting or something. I'll update tomorrow. I need to go get homework done.

February 3

I have eaten anything today.
Why why why why why.
I just, want to sleep for days and day and not do homework and just watch movies.
I need a movie month where I can do nothing but watch movies.

I can breath better knowing that I haven't eaten anything.
I feel like I can make it another day.
My head hurts though.
But I deserve it.
Coffee coffee coffee.

I'll update tomorrow.