August 30

Eats for today:

Pistachio pudding mixed with kashi go lean crunch cereal and bloobs! I love love love bloobs.

Anyway, things are going by pretty slowly right now. Well, fast yet slow. If that makes any sense. I'm so scared that I am going to ruin my chances of transferring to the college of my dreams if I mess up homework or forget to study something important. I wish we could take a quiz or something so that I could know where I stand in all my school work; but I guess time will only tell.

Tonight I am planning on doing a small amount of homework so I wont feel overwelmed tomorrow and then watch a movie. I've been wanting to see "The one on the Right" for the longest time and now I am finally making time.

As far as intake goes, I kind of binged a bit today. My mother brought home some BBQ and I ate some along with two pieces of bread and lots of potato salad. I don't know. Tomorrow is a new day and I'll start again. I swear it's hard for me to eat a small amount of food because then it turns into a binge, uuuuugh.

So, saty strong girls! And let me know how you're doing. Any new eats for me to try out??

August 28

I have too much homework.

I never eat anymore.

I went out at 12 tonight and bought a shit ton of fruit so I can start eating some kind of solid.

I am losing about a pound a day.

I don't know what else to say. It's late late late and I just finished my history homework and I have SO MUCH MORE to do. I don't know why I thought sixteen hours this semester was a good idea, and taking two history based classes means a LOT of reading which means I am shit out of time all the fucking time. I like starving though. Makes me look thinner.

Anyway, I'll update tomorrow.

Stay strong girls. Let me know what's up.

August 26

So, I've finished a lot of my homework early as of right now and that's how I want things to go for the remainder of my semester here. The only reason I took 16 hours was to make sure that I kept myself busy so I wouldn't be worrying about anything. I think so far my plan has worked out some. I do eat a lot less now that school has started because I am stressing out a lot more even though I am not doing terrible at school by any means. I like feeling as if I have things to do though. It always keeps me on the edge of my seat.

Let's see, I know I haven't had any eats in a long long while but it's because I'm just not eating like I usually am. I'm sorry. I know some of you really looked forward to my food pictures because you got ideas from them and learned different combinations to try out. I'll get a few new things up eventually, maybe this weekend I'll muster up some courage to eat something. I need to watch my restricting. Do any of you have restricting as bad as this? Sometimes I can't control it.

So, I'm about done studying. I just came back to edit this post and then post it up before bed. I think I want to start writing about someone now. I'll call him J and let's just say he's the reason I do a lot of things. Not bad things, good things. He's my motivation, my rock, and essentially he has my heart.

Regrets for this being such a short post but I will certainly have longer ones in the future depicting eats and maybe a few of some of the places around my campus. Stick to your guns ladies and keep me updated on your lives. I love hearing how you all are doing. Nighty night.

August 25

First day in classes went surprisingly well. I didn't give up and I didn't hyperventilate. Did I have anxiety? Yes yes yes; but the thoughts of where I wanted to be in a few short months made me hold my head up and stick it out. Now I know that I can handle all the work. I feel so much better.

As far as restricting goes, I kind of made myself binge today. I was so upset that the scale didn't go down not even .1 of a pound that I gave up and decided to eat because I figured my metabolism needed a boost so, there's that. Back to square one tomorrow. No solids.

Tomorrow I have no classes so I'm going to sleep in a bit, wake up, study, do some laundry and make go look at some new bed spreads. Mine are all getting old. What about you girls? Any plans for tomorrow? How's everything going weight wise? I know we all have our good and bad days. Let me hear it.

August 24

Restricting is still going strong. I think it's mostly because classes start tomorrow and now I feel as if this is all make or break for me. I mean, the plans I have for my future are all dependent on me overcoming the obstacles that await for me tomorrow, and that scares me so much. All this anxiety. I don't know. I just hope that after tomorrow I will have a feel for things and then I wont feel so terribly ill at the thought of my future. I want to feel as if I am certain where I will be a few months from now. Only tomorrow will tell.

6 A.M. - Wake up

breakfast is going to be some protein bar eaten on the way to my first class. Then, nothing but coffee and water until I get home and my body decides if it wants to let me eat or not. We'll see. My weight is slowly creeping down. I am feeling lighter. I just hope I can keep it up.

As of right now I should probably get to sleep. I need to make sure I'm focused tomorrow or I know I will get a panic attack at some point. Anyway, I hope you girls are doing great and don't forget to update me on new foodies to try! Maybe you've had a bar recently that was jut FANTASTIC and you HAVE to tell me about it? Yeah, I'm a-waitin'! Keep it up, we can all reach our goals.

August 23

I've kind of been restricting full force lately. As of 5 p.m. yesterday evening I haven't had solid food except for coffee. When my restricting comes back full force like this, I know I am in for a ride. I realize this is all probably because of stress and anxiety, but at the same time I want to be able to control my intake to at least 500 calories a day, but sometimes my body just makes my mind block out food. Ack, I mean, whatever it's good because I do need to lose some major pounds, but I really need to look out for myself sometimes because restricting just comes naturally and when it comes back to me it is not good. I remember I went five days without food and lost about 15 pounds and that was the most scared I had ever been. I thought I was for sure going to blow right back up after I started eating again.

ANYWAY, to divert from that topic, I now have all my class books (with some on the way because they had to be ordered) and I have found where all my classes will be so I will not be too frightened about classes starting Wednesday. Am I excited? A little. Am I nervous? Yes. Do I have anxiety? Yes. Do I want to meet new people? Kind of, sort of, a little? My class days wont finish until 5:30 p.m. so I wont be home until well after 6:00 p.m. and I don't know. I just hope that everything works out and that I can get a good study system going so I can feel comfortable and no scared to death that I will fail. Ah well. Only time will tell I guess.

Anyway, how are things going with you girls? Anything new you would like to tell me about? Be it eats or boys or home or friends etc etc., I'm all ears.

August 22

Today was so terrible. I did go buy a new bag to carry all my school books in and my computer. I'm excited about starting classes but at the same time nervous as all hell. I mean, who wouldn't be I guess. I just get anxiety so much quicker than most people that I think I'm going to have a heart-attack if something goes wrong on Wednesday.

As far as intake goes today I did very very very good and I am super proud of myself. I didn't get a chance to take any pictures but I can tell you that all I had was some honey dew melon this afternoon with a bunch of grapes and strawberries and then lots of coffee throughout the day. That helped me through. I also went out and bought some low fat natural yogurt and some museli and I am going to eat it for breakfast tomorrow with some strawberries most likely. Thanks for the new food!

Hm, my plan for the rest of tonight is to watch some instant movies on netflix until I get tired and or scared and decide to fall asleep. I'm picking up my books tomorrow and doing the scoping out of the classrooms so all should be well come Wednesday.

Are any of you girls nervous about anything? Be it classes starting or new changes in your lives?