July 21

Obviously I'm going about everything in a terrible way that isn't helping me. Hrmph. Change scares me I guess, but I know I am going to have to deal with change and make things happen because goods things will not happen unless you help them along.

My mindset is changing.

I'm reversing and going back into old ways.

What I ate today: Fat free yogurt mixed with grapenuts (yummy) and with blueberries, raspberries and blackberries.

I'm pretty confident that this will be my last meal of the day and tomorrow morning I'll make something else with the rest of my raspberries. Restricting is getting easier. I'm not trying anymore, I just do it. Involuntary, that's the way I like it.

I'm thinking I'll go and read for the rest of tonight. I haven't finished a good book in a long long time. Be back tomorrow, stay strong.

**EDIT**

So, I went 10 hours without any grub and just now, JUST NOW for NO reason in my mind, I devoured 5 boneless hot-wings, a handful of french fries, 6 spoonfuls of baked beans and 6 baby pickles.

"Why in the world did you do that?!!!!"

Fuck if I know, I wasn't even hungry.

"You just had to keep eating and eating and eating."

Well yeah, that's me. I'm a pig. Omnomnomnom.

"Tomorrow is water and fruit day."

I know, I know....