July 29

Today has been one of those days where turning over a new leaf just feels right. I looked back at a lot of old journal and yearbooks and e-mails etc etc, and I took note of how happy I use to be. How I use to appreciate things for how they were and work hard at getting to the point I wanted to get to. I use to be so motivated and full of life. I was always expecting the best even when I was stuck smack dab in the middle of the fucking worst case scenario you could think of. That's just who I use to be; but now life has just been shit to me and caused me to become a shell.

I want to get it back, who I use to be. Motivated and expecting the best but prepared for the worst. Mentally I know I need to turn over a leaf and start doing the things I want to do. I know I want to be happy. I'm just not sure I deserve it yet. This little person who sits on my shoulder is in dire need of someone to mentally hurt and physically harm. I need a change.

Anyway, eats for the day:

HiLo, puffed kamut, cinnamon bun Jello.

I need a new scale. One that actually works. Do any of you have suggestions? I'm willing to drop a significant amount of cash if it is a really really good scale.