September 7

Some days it's harder than others. Harder to remember why I'm doing this. Harder to keep my motivation up. Harder to say no. Some days I forget how this fucked up little world I live in created itself. But then I remember that it doesn't matter how all of this began; the only thing that matters is how this will end.

With my head filled with the possibility of having a happy future I know what I have to do. What I must do and I can't bring myself to let this go. This is going to wind up killing me. Be it my disease or of my own hand, but I know the day will come and I also know that it is not anytime soon. As the quote goes, "the wounded are stronger because they know that they can survive." And so I know that I can survive. I know that I can do this. Starvation.

I am starting a three day fast tomorrow. Anyone else in? I am allowing coffee, water, diet soda. If anyone is interested, let me know.

As for tonight, I've finished my homework, taken my shower, made my bed and washed my clothes. My books are in my backpack, my money is in my wallet, my hair is a mess and now....this is where I start. Right here, right now. And I cannot fail myself because then I am failing my future.

Sleep is calling and my rumbling tummy will not subside. I'll update tomorrow of my success. I will.