October 1

I feel like I could throw up. I fasted for 30 hours today, and I just had some boiled eggs for dinner (2). I'm working up to my two day fast because lately I just feel really weak and so I want to make sure that I don't faint when I am trying to complete my fast. If I tend to my body and shape it to be able to withstand two days without food, then I know I can go from there to three days and so on and so forth.

As far as everything else is going. I don't really know what to say. Acceptance committee is looking over my application. They called today to say they will be making their decision soon and that just makes me all the more uneasy. I just want to know already. For some reason I have this horrible sinking feeling in the back of my mind that I will not get in. I will be rejected. I will fall into depression. I wont eat for days on end. Of course if I do end up getting in, I still wont eat for days on end because I will be so happy. I'm sorry this has been a topic of the last kajillion of my posts, but this is the one thing that I have going for me right now that I hope turns out well. All I can do is hope anymore and I am so sick of it, I just want the waiting to be over. Regardless of outcome. I'm fucking tired of waiting.

This post is becoming more scattered as I keep writing, so I guess I'll stop. Tomorrow I am fasting for another 24 hours and maybe I'll go to sleep so I can just sleep through the next 8 hours of my fast to see if I can make it to 40 or something.

I hope you girls are doing okay, let me know how the diets are working for you guys. Stay strong.