August 5

Breakfast eats: A bowl full of strawberries and blackberries, carnation milk packet and coffee. I like to mix the carnation packet into my berries and eat it like that because it turns kind of like pudding with the fruit juices.

Anyway, signing up for classes went all wrong today. Tomorrow is attempt number two. I will also attempt to stay below 800 calories tomorrow. I'll update my eats at the end of the day and let you know how that goes.

As for other things, I don't really know what to say. Things aren't going well but I met up with an old friend today and he told me something profoundly intriguing. He told me that perhaps I have been pulled back to this terrible town (from which I so desperately tried to get away) because I have unfinished business. He went on to explain that maybe this is the universe testing me and saying, "if she can handle this, then she can handle whatever happens next at University." Maybe I do have unfinished business. I just need to calm down.

Anxiety wise, I have been terrible. Everyday it is heightening and getting worse. Today I paced around the house for two hours just thinking and hating myself and trying to make stupid decisions that shouldn't even be that hard to make. I am a bundle of anxiety waiting to explode. I need to sleep.