August 7

Sorry. I failed to muster up any strength to sit up and blog yesterday. I guess this just means I owe you double the eats. What do you girls like to eat? Let's start with yesterday.

Eats 8/6/10:

By far my favorite breakfast. Mixed berries (straw-blue-black) with a packet of Carnation Breakfast essentials. I love how the carnation powder gets all pudding-y with the berry juices.

Eats 8/7/10:

Bagel thin, smeared with low-fat cream cheese and piled high with cooked black berries. With a side of coffee, obviously.

Obviously, I didn't post yesterday because it was just a bad day; but in all honesty, I haven't had a good day in over a month. Things just seem to be getting worse by the day and nothing is looking up. I just, want to weigh 120 pounds already. I want to be at the University I planned on going to, not this shitty one I am forced to go to. I want to have my old life back. Where I was content having what little I had.

Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do people, who deserve great things to happen in their lives, only get the shit end. I don't understand the way the universe works. I work my ass off and I'm suppose to something to show for it, right? This place is fucked up.

Anyway, the days continue to get harder, longer, less memorable. I don't know. I wont be able to make it. One of these days I wont be able to make myself get out of bed. To breath. To open my eyes. Time is a scary concept for me and I wish I could control it. I wish I could make it go faster, slow down, pause. Time is continuously passing without mercy, without care, without judgment. Time does not wait. Time is a motherfucker. No matter how much I want to just lay in bed and not care and not breath and not live, I have to go on because somewhere inside of me I know that this is going to get better. I have this small part inside of me that goes on believing that something good is waiting for me. Something will happen and I will once again be content and happy. With each day, that little part is slowly dying...and that's the worst part because once that is gone, I will have nothing to live for. Until then I'll keep doing what I do. Keep going on. Again and again and again.