March 23

I broke my fast today after 48 hours. I tried to make it to 72 but my body just couldn't.

As of right now I am eating a cup full of frozen pineapple and frozen dark cherries. Eh. My body just needs nutrients right now because I am feeling sick, so I had to eat something. I may fast again for the next two days. If I don't fast tomorrow, I will make sure my calories do not go over 500.

I'm so tired. I need sleep, but lately when I sleep, I don't want to wake up.

I'm going to go watch some TV and try to fall asleep.

March 22

The scale is lying, he has to be. I am not thin enough.

Today was my first successful full day of fasting. I am going to fast tomorrow also and see if I can make it through.

Sometimes I imagine how much better my life will be once I am thin and in control. I will be happy and loved. I will be wanted. I am sure these things are the only things that most of us want. To be important. To be thin. To be skinny.

I am not hungry.

March 21

I fasted for 19 hours today, then I ate two big sandwiches and 12 big potato fries. Fuck everything.

I just tried to purge for the first time and nothing came up. I think I'm doing it wrong. I just want those sandwiches out, I was doing so well...

I guess this is a start.

Tomorrow I will get my fasting to 24 hours.

Why am I so weak all of a sudden?

I am going to buy a scale tomorrow and hopefully I will find a good one.

I wish I had laxatives, or at least knew how to purge properly.

What do I want? I want to reach my goal weight, and fuck having little goals along the way. I want to be skinny and happy. I want love and control.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

If I want it bad enough.

March 20

I just got back to my apartment from spending the week at my parents house for Spring Break. I forgot my scale. I don't know what I am going to do for the rest of this week. No scale means that I will most likely restrict a lot more than usual just because I have no idea if I am losing or not. I only go by the numbers.

Regardless, my break was okay. I mean, I'm just ready to get back to school and get everything done with. I'm so tired of this semester and I can't wait until it ends.

This week my eating habits will probably be along the lines of lots of water, coffee and an occasional granola bar or some frozen fruit if I have to eat something.

This coming month, I need to lose 15 pounds. I just want to get to my goal weight already.

How are you all doing? Any new diets or anything you want to share?

Stay strong.

March 19

"Adeline, why are you so fat?"

FAT

EAT

FAT

EAT

FAT

EAT

FAT

EAT

FAT

EAT

I am fat because I eat.

I eat because I'm mad.

I am sad because I eat.

I eat because I'm fat.

I am mad because I eat.

I eat because I'm sad.

My life is a simple: eat less, feel happier; eat more, feel shittier.

simple, simple, simple.

Diet for this week: coffee, water, frozen fruit.