So, my mom just brought home some oatmeal from Starbucks new
revamped breakfast menu and I would have
felt really bad for not eating it so I did.
total = 390 calories.
Not bad but I just wanted to make sure I put it on here so I don't eat anything else today.
I go to work at 3:30 - 7:30 so I should be home by 8 when I can shower and sleep and hopefully get better. I hate being sick.
I'll edit after work.
I'll be strong because I know I can be 209.8 by tomorrow night when I weigh in.
************EDIT************
210.4 right off the scale just now.
I just got back from the movies and I ate a hotdog and popcorn and some chocolate so...I'm hoping I wont wake up and be 15000 pounds :/
Plan for tomorrow?
No eating until I get home from work around 4:00 p.m.
Maybe I'll even wait longer I don't know. I just hope hope hope I can pull off being 209 by tomorrow. I know I can do this if I set my mind to it besides my minor setback of movie theatre food tonight.
Anyways, I have to get to sleep now and dream of my ideal life before I have to wake up and face the realistic shit-hole I live...well not everything about it is shitty, just most things..anyways, I'll update tomorrow and I just hope to the gods that everything falls okay tomorrow.
I need to get better by Tuesday!!
Good luck girls and stay strong!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
February 19
211.8 today.
I am going to give it all I have,
and then I'm going to give it all I don't have.
I am so close to 209 that I can almost (not) taste it.
I am going to give it all I have,
and then I'm going to give it all I don't have.
I am so close to 209 that I can almost (not) taste it.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
February 18
212.8 today.
And...I ate.
Not a lot, but enough to be full and I just feel like I should be weighing a whole lot more right now.
The reason I ate was because at around 12:00 I weighed 211.4 and I just knew that if I didn't eat something that my weight would just escalate if I ended up binging in the coming days. It scares the shit out of me whenever I lose 3 pounds in a day because I know it'll be so easy to gain it back so I just eat whenever I lose like that. Does that make sense?
Anyways, I didn't go to school today because I'm "contagious" and I have an ear infection and a sore throat. But I HAVE to go to school tomorrow because I can't miss my english class or my physics class.
I don't know what else to say tonight.
I'm tired and my bones still hurt and I'm a little bit hungry but I wont eat anything I'll just go fill up on some water and maybe drink some orange juice to help me get better.
Let me know how you ladies are doing.
P.S. I hope to get to 209 soon. I'll be so happy.
And...I ate.
Not a lot, but enough to be full and I just feel like I should be weighing a whole lot more right now.
The reason I ate was because at around 12:00 I weighed 211.4 and I just knew that if I didn't eat something that my weight would just escalate if I ended up binging in the coming days. It scares the shit out of me whenever I lose 3 pounds in a day because I know it'll be so easy to gain it back so I just eat whenever I lose like that. Does that make sense?
Anyways, I didn't go to school today because I'm "contagious" and I have an ear infection and a sore throat. But I HAVE to go to school tomorrow because I can't miss my english class or my physics class.
I don't know what else to say tonight.
I'm tired and my bones still hurt and I'm a little bit hungry but I wont eat anything I'll just go fill up on some water and maybe drink some orange juice to help me get better.
Let me know how you ladies are doing.
P.S. I hope to get to 209 soon. I'll be so happy.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
February 17
214.6 today.
I haven't eaten anything and I'm getting very very sick.
I can't speak, which is a good thing.
And, I haven't finished my English paper which was due today but I decided to take an extension on.
Things aren't going well lately and I just need to take a step back and re-examine a lot of things in my life right now. M has a girlfriend apparently and when I found out I was heartbroken. I don't even know why I was...I literally cried when I found out but then I thought, "why would he even like me? I am a FAT COW and his new girlfriend is probably skinny and pretty and perfect."
I just, I hate the universe right now because it's throwing hate towards me.
So, fuck the world.
Besides that, I don't know what to say.
My bones hurt.
My tummy is empty.
My head is light.
My heart is shattered.
And my nose is stuffy but...
we just have to push on forward.
I haven't eaten anything and I'm getting very very sick.
I can't speak, which is a good thing.
And, I haven't finished my English paper which was due today but I decided to take an extension on.
Things aren't going well lately and I just need to take a step back and re-examine a lot of things in my life right now. M has a girlfriend apparently and when I found out I was heartbroken. I don't even know why I was...I literally cried when I found out but then I thought, "why would he even like me? I am a FAT COW and his new girlfriend is probably skinny and pretty and perfect."
I just, I hate the universe right now because it's throwing hate towards me.
So, fuck the world.
Besides that, I don't know what to say.
My bones hurt.
My tummy is empty.
My head is light.
My heart is shattered.
And my nose is stuffy but...
we just have to push on forward.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
February 15
216.0 tonight.
I don't want to talk about it.
All you have to know is that I hadn't eaten anything but cereal up until 5:30
200 calories that's all.
Then, my mom brought home pizza for dinner.
Ice cream cake for dessert.
Made popcorn for a movie.
I proceeded with pizza rolls.
Then some rocky road ice cream.
Then I shot myself in the stomach when I realized I have no laxatives.
I hate myself so much right now.
I always have to wait for tomorrow.
I work 5-9:30 tomorrow so, I'm planning on staying after school until 4:00 coming home and then changing and then going to work.
Calories for tomorrow: 200
That is my allowance and I don't know when I'll use it...maybe before work I guess.
Anyways, I am going to continue hating myself tonight.
Update tomorrow.
I don't want to talk about it.
All you have to know is that I hadn't eaten anything but cereal up until 5:30
200 calories that's all.
Then, my mom brought home pizza for dinner.
Ice cream cake for dessert.
Made popcorn for a movie.
I proceeded with pizza rolls.
Then some rocky road ice cream.
Then I shot myself in the stomach when I realized I have no laxatives.
I hate myself so much right now.
I always have to wait for tomorrow.
I work 5-9:30 tomorrow so, I'm planning on staying after school until 4:00 coming home and then changing and then going to work.
Calories for tomorrow: 200
That is my allowance and I don't know when I'll use it...maybe before work I guess.
Anyways, I am going to continue hating myself tonight.
Update tomorrow.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
February 14
215.0 pounds today.
Yeah yeah yeah, so I did great restricting all day until the dinner with my parents tonight like I said I would have. I don't know.
I ate a lot of salad at Olive Garden, but then I started eating the bread-sticks and I just couldn't stop eating them until I had scarfed down 5 of them. Yeah I feel like shit but, whatever. I knew it would happen because my control isn't up to what it should be but tomorrow is tomorrow and like the japanese proverb says:
"Fall down seven times, stand up eight."
I won't let today bring me down.
Yes I am up 2.8 pounds or so, but I can get everything fixed and ready to go tomorrow.
I am not going to give up anymore. I'm tired of giving in to my failures I am going to keep pressing on because that's all anyone can do. Hope is what gets you there and right now I have a lot of that in myself.
Anyways, as usual Valentines day sucked.
I did homework most of the day at the library up until the dreaded 2.8 pound gain dinner I had with the parents and now it's snowing and it wont let up.
I'm off of school tomorrow so I kind of wish the snow would have waited until school is actually in session because I'm just lazy and could use another extra day for my english paper that I will probably never do this semester anyways.
Things will be better tomorrow.
Tonight I will sleep and tomorrow I will wake up and starve.
I must starve.
I must not go over 800 calories.
I must not eat.
Think thin.
Yeah yeah yeah, so I did great restricting all day until the dinner with my parents tonight like I said I would have. I don't know.
I ate a lot of salad at Olive Garden, but then I started eating the bread-sticks and I just couldn't stop eating them until I had scarfed down 5 of them. Yeah I feel like shit but, whatever. I knew it would happen because my control isn't up to what it should be but tomorrow is tomorrow and like the japanese proverb says:
"Fall down seven times, stand up eight."
I won't let today bring me down.
Yes I am up 2.8 pounds or so, but I can get everything fixed and ready to go tomorrow.
I am not going to give up anymore. I'm tired of giving in to my failures I am going to keep pressing on because that's all anyone can do. Hope is what gets you there and right now I have a lot of that in myself.
Anyways, as usual Valentines day sucked.
I did homework most of the day at the library up until the dreaded 2.8 pound gain dinner I had with the parents and now it's snowing and it wont let up.
I'm off of school tomorrow so I kind of wish the snow would have waited until school is actually in session because I'm just lazy and could use another extra day for my english paper that I will probably never do this semester anyways.
Things will be better tomorrow.
Tonight I will sleep and tomorrow I will wake up and starve.
I must starve.
I must not go over 800 calories.
I must not eat.
Think thin.
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