Friday, September 24, 2010

September 24

Tonight is the night.

Somethings happening to me, and I know it isn't good. Lately I've just been not eating, but that's not what is worrying me. What is worrying me is the fact that I usually have to fight with myself to make myself stay out of the kitchen and away from food; but lately, the past two weeks, I just haven't even thought about eating. Maybe it's the stress, the anxiety, the fear.
Whatever it is, it's working.

It's now or never. It's now.
I've been waiting too long and trying far too hard for my dreams to just turn into complete and utter mush after tonight. I've invested too much of myself into this for everything to just fall apart. Something has to give or else I will, because I can't take much more disappointment.

I am so scared.
For the first time in my life, I am actually genuinely frightened and it doesn't feel so great. I'm hoping for the best with all of my heart.

I'm going to give it all I have, and then I am going to give it all I don't have.

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