Sunday, September 5, 2010

September 5

Why can't I stop eating?
It's 9:20 a.m. and I've just woken up from my past 3 day binge. WHY why why whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy. I feel about to cry and scream and now I just want to jump out of the nearest window or crawl into a hole and sleep like a bear in hibernation. But I can't. I have to write this stupid paper and do all this stupid homework and I have a four day weekend and I was planning on starving through it but it's been one day past and I don't know. Maybe I'll just start today, but I don't trust myself. I need this though. I WANT this. I need to stop eating.
Food is the source of all my problems and self hatred boughts and. I KNOW THIS.
Yet, I can't stop.

I don't know.

It's 9:30 now. It took me ten minutes to write THAT piece of garbage up there.
I'm sorry you guys. Today I am staying under 500.
Today I am going to wait for those stomach pains because that's when I know I am doing something right.


  1. It's horrible when you can't stop eating.
    It makes you feel so disgusting, and worthless.
    I hope you will find the willpower to achieve your goal.
    I'm following your blog x

  2. Dont doubt yourself. The worst thing you can do to yourself is believe that you'll mess up your starving/low cal efforts. Trust me after a few days of starving that 3 day binge will be the last thing on your mind:)