Monday, August 2, 2010

August 2

I didn't want to post much at all today because to be completely honest, the past three days have not been good days at all. Mentally and physically speaking. I'm pretty sure I have gained at least 5 pounds and I just don't know what I'm doing to myself anymore. I know what I am aiming for, but sometimes my mind just makes me do these things that don't make sense, and I hate it because it makes me hate myself.

Let's say eating has not been the greatest. I try to fill my pantry and refrigerator with things that I know if I eat will not harm my body too much but lately my mother arrived home and it's all been downhill from there. She buys cookies and processed shit and ice cream and now when I open the panty I see colors of chip bags and juice boxes and chocolate filled devil food cakes. I don't know I don't know I don't know.
Effect of this? I have been bingeing for 3 days straight. The worst part is that I'm not even going out to get the food I'm eating because the food is right there in my fucking pantry waiting for me to consume it. I don't know how to fill my days anymore. I use to be so well at making excuses and not eating whatever processed crap is laying around, but now that I have moved and I don't know anyone and have no places to be; I spend most of my time fighting with the person inside my head who wants me to eat and eat until I am obese and unable to see my ankles. I don't want that but she does.

Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better.
I will have better eats up for you guys to see tomorrow so that I can keep myself under check.
Tomorrow will be better.

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